Lately, I have been observing a lot of random quirks that my fellow females (that I love) have made or continue to make when it comes to dealing with men, getting a man’s attention, or even being able to get one to come up to them at a bar.
I decided that it’d be kinda interesting to share what I personally believe are mistakes and how to avoid or counter these mistakes. In no particular order…
*They ALWAYS wait for men to come to them — yes, I know we have been taught by the older generation and by other women to let men come to you. I agree with this, to an extent. What I find most funny is that with the current modern feminist movement, a lot of women are (supposed) to be feeling more empowered, more willing to do things that were not done in the past by women. In fact, taking a lot of positions that men have stereotypically had, such as high executive positions in companies. Yet…because we are women, we are not supposed to approach them first? Isn’t that a little…contradicting?
My personal approach on this has been always based on how I am feeling and the situation. It’s not just a clear cut–OH, he HAS to come to ME first. Yea, no…sorry, I have way too much of an assertive personality for that. The thing is, if I see someone I’m interested in, I don’t have any issue with coming up to the male and striking a conversation first. In fact, based on what I’ve heard from various men, they often find it good or attractive that a female has the guts to approach them first. It takes them by surprise and it can often reflect (as a female) your confidence and ability to take action as needed. Which, I don’t know about you, but I think confidence is frickin’ SEXY.
*They play WAY TOO MANY games — obviously as a girl, I have always had friends that talked about guys and how they went about dealing with them. One of the major common themes is playing games with them or toying them around to “keep them guessing”. The funny thing is, majority of men hate games and yeah, they may play some games for a short-term period, but when it comes to really getting the guy and attracting him to you (aside from your looks and anything surface level), you have to be straightforward with them. Men are biologically more logical, evidence-based, and usually more strong with the left side of their brain (analytical, reasoning, logic). That’s why they often find women kinda crazy, hard to deal with, drama queens, etc…you probably have heard one or two guys in your life say that before as well. To men, it just simply DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. They are thinking, “If she likes me, WHY IS SHE DOING THIS????” To us women, we are often thinking “We are playing games and giving you hints because WE LIKE YOU”. Basically men are able to be more direct and tell you upfront if they like you, while women try to go around the bush and hint at it more.
Over the past few years of dating and having many close male friends, I’ve learned that the trick with this is balance. Sure, maybe feel it out and see if that particular guy likes a little bit of games. But if he’s not receptive to it, then it’s probably much wiser to be more direct and straightforward (probably will take you out of your comfort zone, but you’ll live). And if you can’t be upfront and let him know what you’re thinking or how you feel, there’s a good chance it can go south if theres not a middle ground on how you show your feelings and all that gushy stuff.
*Too irrational and emotional — like I said earlier, women and men are biologically different (duhhhh). Women become more emotional and (slightly) irrational much more often than men and tend to make decisions based off the moment while having these moody thoughts. This often drives men pretty crazy and if you’re too irrational about certain things, this also usually strikes as a red flag for them. I’ve been around plenty of conversations with my close guy friends and have heard them talk about the red flags with girls/women being just a hair too much–and when they mean too much, it’s usually just crazy.
Look, if you want to be the type that they can actually bring home to Mom, consider what is actually appropriate. Take extra time (maybe even a day) when making decisions and if you’re in a negative mindset. ESPECIALLY when it comes to texting. The amount of times I’ve seen women respond to texts in such a “crazy girl” way is insane and to be honest, I can see from a male’s perspective why these would be considered red flags. For the most part, men (if they are relatively mature) can understand why women are a bit emotional and all that. But keep it on the lower end…ya know? Don’t get near the crazy spectrum. The good ones love a calm and composed woman.
*Reading into shit too much (overthinking) — I’ll be the first to admit, I definitely used to have this problem. It’s pretty normal to overthink all the bullshit when you’re dealing with a guy and especially if you really like him! Again, with men…they just don’t overthink it as much. They aren’t really trying to hint or beat around the bush, although again, sometimes they can/will if that’s the vibe you’re giving off too. Or if they are super into you and nervous about it 🙂 I think a great simple example is when a guy texts or says something like, “Ok”…I’d say there’s a good amount of women that would start to overthink “what that meant” or if that “means he doesn’t like you”. When in reality, he probably just means…OKAY. Like what the word means. That’s it! Guys are quite logical and just go with what they mean. Not really the kinds that say “K” to piss you off unless they know that will piss you off and want to piss you off. Let’s be honest, that’s definitely a girl thing and we have done it before.
In my opinion, just don’t overthink it. If you want to know if he likes you, just find a way to ask directly or approach it in a more straightforward way. You will waste a lot of time and energy overthinking certain aspects when you easily could’ve just asked.
Thought I’d share my random thoughts on this…something new. Different topic. Let me know what you think or if you agree with any of this xx