Positive Intentions

Recently, I finished reading a novel called “Emily and Einstein” by Linda Lee, and wow, can I say the timing of finishing this novel is very ironic with where I currently am in life.

I picked this book up when I was at home in Pennsylvania back at the end of May, as it was in my favorites pile and I just thought it’d be interesting to re-read a favorite novel again for the second time. Long story short, the main character Emily, demonstrates genuine selflessness and manages to stay strong, despite her husband passing away in an accident. Throughout the entire story, others always seem to try to bring her down, including her own husband, but despite all of that, she always acts with honor, love, and compassion. Reading this story again was a blessing in disguise, as this Emily inspires me to be a 2.0 version of myself.

Lately, I’ve been facing a tough struggle, emotionally and mentally. It’s been some time since I have given myself a chance to really choose a positive path and work on myself, with positive intention in becoming a refreshing new person, one alike to this Emily character. I’ve been teaching myself to get in the habit of always thinking positive thoughts, complimenting people when they deserve one, giving people a chance before I judge them on what I interpret on the surface level. It’s something that maybe quite a lot of people say they work on and do, so I know it may sound like I am one of those. But after evaluating myself these past few days and getting the support from friends and family (shoutout to my best friends all over the world in Spain, Germany, New York, Australia), I know that I seek positive change in myself. And with this change, I want it to forever become my identity as who I am as a person.

I struggled with this for quite some years now and I think I always knew that one day I would not win. I believe this could be God’s way of saying, this is your time. Your time to shine, your time to really connect with yourself again, to be who you truly are. Now that I have looked back on who I have been these past few months, I realize that who I was before and who I am now, are not the same (and I guess that is probably true for most people anyways), but for me, I have not seen much of a positive change in myself, internally. I remember that I used to constantly read books, letting my mind wander, and became inspired by these genuine, selfless, and compassionate characters. Perhaps that is a routine I should divulge in again, because I want to be that compassionate Emily, who acts with honor in everything I put my heart and soul into. That is who I am, but maybe not quite at this moment.

I am sure college has probably changed me quite a bit, as heading into college and before moving to California, I was already a party addict, and I loved the idea of just going out to have the most wildest time of my life.

And you know what? Who’s to say I can’t still have the best time of my life, while divulging myself into things that may matter more for me in the long run. I realize that attending a university with a weaker social life and party system made me angry that I wasn’t experiencing a real party, like I had back home. And this may have made me hungry for more of these wild experiences, affecting me in negative ways.

But I have taken a step back to evaluate who I really am. And I am not ok with the person I am right now. And sometimes, the worst things that happen to us are actually a blessing. Right now, I am in the process of becoming stronger, wiser, and working towards Emily 2.0, taking one day at a time. I hope for anyone who is reading this who also realizes or perhaps in the future, realizes they need a positive change within themselves, find the courage and strength to do so. I also encourage reaching out to any friends and family that don’t see you day to day, because they will truly give you an unbiased and truthful perspective, and that is what you and I need. It’s a tough road, but surely can be a short one with the right mindset and positive intentions.

xx

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